Sitcom: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (I know, this isn’t a sitcom; my blog obsession, my rules.)
Episode: N/A
Year: 1964
Story line: Martians kidnap Santa Claus and two children in an effort to capture the Christmas spirit for their listless children.
Details: I’ve been trying to nab this with Tivo for a few years and finally reeled in a copy. This is a classic. Martian kids have been watching too much Earth TV and get infected with the Christmas bug. So the Martians kidnap Santa and a few earth kids to bring the Christmas spirit to Mars. This is great in the way that only bad science fiction can be. Lots of cool cardboard outfits, and I think the Martians are wearing some inbred cross between a natural gas line and a kid’s windup toy for headgear. There’s lots of stock footage — B52s scrambling to intercept the Martians, space rockets launching to rescue Santa, the UN meeting to discuss the abduction — and the special effects are, well, stunning. I particularly like the guy in the polar bear suit that attacks Billy and Betty Foster in the North Pole. In the end, Santa wins over the wacky Martians, leaving a surrogate Santa (Dropo) in his place to keep Christmas alive on the Red Planet. He does indeed conquer the Martians, but he does it with Christmas spirit, not laser or disrupters or special effects. How cool is that?
Killer quote: “This is as bad as the Monkees, man.” Lara Edge, during the slapstick finale where the Earth kids and the Martian kids assault the evil Voldar in a hail of attacking toys at Santa’s Martian Workshop. I beg to differ. It’s much, much better than the Monkees.
Killer quote II: “All this trouble for a fat little man in a white suit.’ Voldar, the evil Martian.
Killer quote III: “I’m not accustomed to entering people’s homes through the door, but you have no chimney.” Santa as he enters the Martian home.
Bonus bit: Eight-year-old Pia Zadora as Girmar. the little Martian girl.
Ebenezer alert: Voldar. This miserable bastard hates everyone. He’s just one bad ass Martian. He tries to order the cardboard robot, Torg, to crush Billy and Betty. But even Torg isn’t immune to Santa’s goodwill and refuses to kill the kids. Voldar later tries to flush them out an air lock, but Santa’s chimney skills come in handy as he and the kids escape through an air hatch moments before the hatch opens. Voldar is always foiled but relentlessly evil. Everything a good Ebenezer should be.
Childhood memory: None, really. I think the first time I saw this was by accident 15 or so years ago one late-night TV when we lived in Albuquerque. I’ve been addicted ever since but have managed to catch it only a handful of times.