Sitcom: Green Acres
Episode: An Old-Fashioned Christmas
Year: 1966
Story line: A law forbids Oliver from chopping down a Christmas tree.
Details: We open with a flashback to Christmas “several years ago” in New York City. Oliver is appalled that all they can find are fake trees, and he pines for an old-fashioned Christmas where farmers cut down a real tree and decorate it with popcorn. Now to the present, where Oliver has his farm, but it appears Hooterville has lost the Old-Fashioned Christmas, too. It’s 81 degrees. Mr. Haney is selling transistor neckties. Mr. Drucker is peddling fake trees with imitation sap, spruce juice and fake needles that will “clog your vacuum better than the real ones.” Unimpressed, Oliver decides to cut his own tree, but he has to see Hank Kimball, the county agent, to get a permit first. Meanwhile, Fred Ziffel has put up his fake tree, and Mrs. Ziffel is underwhelmed. She wants little Arnold (the pig) to see a real tree, which he’s never seen in his three years on this planet. So it’s off to the Douglas residence, where the real tree actually looks pretty good and the entire gang gathers. This is a great episode in that it pulls together all of the regulars (except Alf and Ralph, the carpenters). But then Mrs. Douglas’ fruit cake comes out of the oven (above, left), scaring off everyone except her and Oliver. We close with snow falling in front of the window, and as the camera pans out, we see Mr. Haney sitting on the roof with a bag of soap flakes sprinkling fake snow into Oliver’s old-fashioned Christmas.
A Gabor Christmas: We bumped into Zsa Zsa when we celebrated Christmas over at Pee-wee’s Playhouse. Now we get Eva’s take on the holiday. And it’s unique.
Killer quote: “If anyone says your tie’s too loud, you just turn it down.” Mr. Haney, trying to sell “the world’s first transistor necktie” to Oliver.
Killer quote II: “Arnold don’t like it.” Mrs. Ziffel, talking about the fake tree (complete with spruce juice) that Mr. Ziffel is putting up. Poor little Arnold has never seen a real tree.
Ebenezer alert: Generally, it’s Oliver. But in this episode, he’s the one who seems to be the good guy, lobbying for an old fashioned Christmas in a world gone fake. So in lieu of Oliver, I’ll nominate Mrs. Douglas’ fruit cake. It’s mean. It’s lethal. And it manages to drive off the entire crowd gathered at the Douglas place.
Childhood memory: This was one of my favorites as a kid, right up there with Gilligan’s Island and the Beverly Hillbillies. I don’t recall this episode, but I’ve been a lifelong fan of Arnold Ziffel and will never understand why he doesn’t get the recognition that is his due. I’ve now chewed through a bunch of these sitcoms that I’m sure I’ve seen before but don’t recall, and I remember how I was amazed at my father watching shows when we were kids and claiming he couldn’t remember how they ended. I had every sitcom committed to memory. How could Pops not remember all the details of the Three Stooges short we were watching? But I guess I didn’t realize at the time how much a few decades can destroy the truly important things in your memory — like story lines to holiday sitcoms.